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Better and Better, more on Communication by cloudb

This post will be notes of helpful comments about communication, from eclectic sources.

This is part of a series of my posts which include Resources for Arguments, andBeing Better Than This, in On-Line Discussions


"'a mind that is gentle and forebearing.' What does this mean? Gentle seems easy enough. Forebearing, or perseverance, seems to me to be the echo of Zen’s Great Effort, this time applied to communication. If we, as a people, were able to combine kindness with willingness to stay engaged in dialogue, even when disagreement, criticism or misunderstanding arise, a great many problems might simply be talked away. Unkindness breeds; if someone does not understand or rejects our position, we are tempted to return the favor. Rejection leads to anger or disengagement, our cliché of fingers-in-ears 'La,la,la, I can’t hear you,' often resulting in frustration and sorrow. We lose the opportunity to communicate.

"I believe that 'gentle forebearance' comes from a resolve to develop one’s center – it nurtures seeds of equanimity. This requires inner strength, but also an open mind. Such a tremendous amount of effort is involved in simply acting, rather than reacting, in not becoming too attached to what you believe, to being right – because if you personalize dogma, it becomes a fixed barrier to dialogue, any attempt at discussion swirls around it and crashes.

"This is not to say that one should be passively meek and it’s not a quid pro quo kind of situation. 'I’ll be nice if you’ll be nice,' is not the goal here, although it is a nice side effect of being respectful. In fact, I think we should approach communication without expectation of reaching agreement or even understanding."

from The Tradition of Buddha’s Robe, A Dharma talk given by Sr. Candana Karuna at IBMC Sept 24, 2006.


"We've all been present when there was some underlying concern, problem, or tension that no one wanted to discuss. Professional group facilitators call this phenomenon the 'elephant in the room.' Everyone knows it's there. Everyone wishes it would go away. No one wants to get in its way or even mention that it exists. Unless we speak frankly about such issues, though, they will never be addressed, understood, and resolved. Denial, repression, silence, and refusal to discuss them only continue the problem."

from partners in power exchange: Living in Kinky Relationships by Jack Rinella, 2003.

Cloud's comment: However if truly no one else can see an elephant in the room, it MIGHT be just a monkey on YOUR back. We all have baggage. Projecting a personal issue onto others is not usually the shortest path to understanding and resolving one's own baggage.


"The Diversity.... the amazing Variety that we see everywhere in nature must surely be the clearest possible guide that the Universe presents to us as being the obvious and correct model for how things "should" be. It follows that there must be many correct ways to be a galaxy, star, planet, rock, tree, fish, foul,
man, woman, to be heterosexual, spiritual, and loving, as well as a great many correct ways to manifest our sexuality and erotic lives. If the Diverse Universe is any guide to what is proper and correct, then there is clearly room for U/us here, too."

from Slavecraft: Roadmaps for Consensual Erotic Servitude: Principles, Skills, and Tools by a grateful slave with Guy A. Baldwin, M. S., 2002


When you cynicism and snarkiness are hurting you, this might be helpful to read

 


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