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The Danger of Event Friends and Online Presence by Thanos

I go to a few far away, national events. Not saying this to be cool, even though I am super awesome, just ask my mom. I am saying this because I have seen how distance and only seeing an online presence can effect people.

There are people who are, or have been, in my local scene who I think would be better off dead. Not joking about this, I think the world would be a better off place if they just drop dead. There are also people who I know are dangerous, bad role models, and should not be associated with. These people almost always seem great when you only see them for a few days a year. These fuckers also always have a great online presence. In this world of social media and online connection they seem great. Yet to people in the local scene they are treated, at best, at arms length, at worst criminals. They hope from group to group in the local scenes till they fuck up, hurt someone in a bad way, have one to many consent violations that are not "accidents", and generally wear out their welcome. Then they hope to another groups, now with an increasing number of far away national events becoming more well known, they can add another group.

I know I have done this, meet someone at a far away national event, see them online and how funny, witty, sexy, or intelligent they can be. Written on their walls, commented on their posts, only to learn later that this person is just an asshole. Learned that they are not who they represent in short spans of time or online. That is the danger off these events. It is letting people we only see in these specialized places where we live out our fantasies for a weekend or week. Where we are all on our best behaviors, trying to turn our desires into reality. I have seen people I know from these far away event befriend these local fuckers and treat them like buddies. It is a disturbing thing to watch.

So what do you do to avoid being event friends with an asshole?

1. Ask around.

Ask people you know who are also in the potential asshole area what kind of person are you dealing with, privately. Don't just ask one person, ask several.

2. Look for signs this person is an asshole.

Most people have run into a few scumbags in their day, read an article or two on signs of a preadator, and generally have decent bullshit detectors. Don't let the excitement of an event over come your reason. Too often we make bad judgements because we are caught up in the moment.

3. Don't be afraid to stop speaking to someone just cause you played with them.

You come home from an event and learn that the nice person you played with is really some asshole who is good at marketing themselves. They want to play again, don't be afraid to say no. Hell, you don't even have to say no, just don't answer them online or off. If they push an issue, you know for certain that person was a fucking asshole.

It sucks we live in a world where we have to protect ourselves constantly. It sucks that you can't go to a nice event and know you are 100% safe. It is, unfortunately, the reality we live in. With ounce of common sense, some luck, and a bit of caution we may just miss the kink scene landmines by a step or two.

---

Thanos has been an active member of the lifestyle community in the Boston area since 1990.

Reprinted with permission, the original article can be found here:Thanos on Fetlife

 

 

 


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